2016 - October

Today, a colleague of mine who I had immense respect for was 'eliminated' from our firm. My mouth fell in shock and as I tried to cover the immense emotion running through me, I was struck by how intense my feelings run for people I work with. It was like someone I know had died... literally, a hole in my heart where I was unaware 'work people' retained space. I ran out of the office afterwards only to cry and then be upset with myself about my reaction. I suddenly have a perspective that I might get fired, that I need to have a back-up plan, that I have let myself become too attached to this job - and I'm upset that the loss of a friend has made me lose faith in a company I enjoy immensely. I was not prepared for this reaction and I feel less adequate that I did this morning. He was amazing and talented and gracious and kind. And I'm upset and sad... and the anger creeps ever forward.